Focus on the Family Community: Relationships and Marriage ...

First a little backstory...

I'm? 26 and engaged to the greatest man in the universe. Well, to me of?? course! We are getting married this summer. We have been together for?? over 2 years. He is divorced and has two children from the marriage, 8?? and 3. I am so lucky in that we have an outstanding relationship. The?? children and I adore each other and I absolutely feel like a second?? mother to them. I have always been a motherly person and although I have?? many interests, having a family has always been priority #1 for me. My?? fiance and his ex are civil (though they are not friends at all) and?? they are good about rearranging the schedule to accommodate each other.

My? fiance happily works from home (after years of climbing the ladder? in? the office) and makes enough money to support us but I still work 4? days? a week right now. Honestly the extra money does help but isn't? totally? necessary. I barely make 20k a year so it's not much. I thought? I would? want to keep working because I would get bored staying at? home, but it? turns out that even working part-time is stressful.? Stressful in that? the house is a wreck and all I want to do when I get? home at 7pm is fall? asleep. I don't have any energy for housework or? hanging out with my? fiance. When we have the kids it's even more? stressful because I don't? have dinner planned and we're always doing? laundry at the last minute? before school. I would love to plan more? educational activities for? them, pack lunches, plan meals, have the? house clean, grocery shop, take? care of little household projects like? replacing the cable box that has? been sitting in the hal

lway for? months, etc. and just plainly spend? more time with them.
We have the children a few days every week? and every other weekend.?? However, the schedule does change a lot and we end up having them on?? unscheduled days quite a bit. My husband works from home and dearly?? loves his kids so he says "yes" to all requests of taking the kids on?? off-days. This is problematic because he has to take calls or do work?? while watching the kids at the same time. When I'm not there I feel so?? guilty. I WANT to be there helping him but I can't be because I'm at?? work. It would be such a help for me to be able to be there while he?? works.

By the way, it was my fiance who brought the idea up over a? year ago.? Although everything I mentioned factors into his thoughts,? his main? concern is that he wants to spend as much time with me as? possible and I? feel the same way. We have a philosophy about life - we? aren't given? tomorrow so we try to enjoy and spend as much time with our? loved ones? as possible today. Too tired to go to the zoo? Get a coffee? and let's? go anyway! We try really hard to make family #1. We miss each? other a? lot during the day and some days it just seems so silly that I? have to? get up and leave at all while he stays home and telecommutes. I? could? be home with him! No, he is not controlling, this comes from the?? sincerest place. We really just feel complete when we are together. He?? works hard to reschedule work in order to come to appointments, the?? park, other kids' birthday parties we are invited to, etc. He is just?? very involved and loves his family and takes every opportunity to be?? together.

The problem is that I do feel guilty. His children are? not my children.? We do not have them every day. So is my staying home? justified? It? seems more justified when you're a stay at home MOM. I? feel like people? will think I'm lazy or taking advantage of my fiance. I? don't want to? feel like or be seen as a drain on society or a lazy kept? woman. I'm? sure I'll get some odd questions when I tell people I'm a? housewife? with no children. But, I sort of do have children! Does it? count? I? also sometimes decide to not care what they think and do what? is right? for our family. I'm still on the fence though. Will I get? bored? It? helps that he is home all day. I won't be alone. Will I wish I? was? doing something with other adults in an office like a "productive"?? person? My job right now is taking care of others' children, so it's not?? like I'm in an office now anyway. It's not like I'm in a high-powered?? career anyway.

What do you think? Please any comments will be helpful!

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